| You'd be a
pretty rubbish Sloaney if you couldn't find the other Sloaneys, so
here're a few holes they crawl into:
King's Road, London
Deep in exclusive Chelsea, this is the place to find yourself and your
success as a Sloaney is directly proportional to the number of people
you know that you meet as you wander mindlessly up and down this patch.
The KR sports 74 Starbucks, 43 Costa Coffees and various other cafés,
meaning it's easier to satisfy your cravings for extortionately-priced
caffiene there than on a coffee bean mountain.
The King's Road leads onto Sloane Square, after which the "Sloane
Ranger" and thus the "Sloaney" was named.
Not that you'd take the common public transport, but the nearest Tube
station is Sloane Square on the Circle and District lines, and it's on
loads of bus routes.
High Street Kensington
Not as saturated with the precious few, but its more convenient for
those with expensive Notting Hill residences...
The Countryside
In the large collective known as "Outside the M25", Sloaneys will be
found on their large country estates, riding, going on hunts, shooting
stuff and drinking expensively from their large cellars.
Cornwall
Rock and Daymer Bay are famous for annually housing rich kids with
the single intention of spending up to three months of their summer in a
permanent state of drunkenness. After all, the liver is evil and
must be punished.
Parties
Remember: your life-long aim is to appear in Tatler. If Tara
Palmer-Tomkt'whatever can do it, why can't you?
Sloaneys normally start off their career of social whoring at the
age of 14, when they'll go to a series of parties thrown by
Capital VIP,
or the famous "Feather's Ball". The latter takes the form of a
meat market with a large stereo.
Obscenely large 18th birthday parties take place on the countryside
estate under a large marquee... Those take the form of the Feather's, but
with bigger people.
There are also house parties, when Mummy and Daddy are stupid enough to
leave the London place in the care of little Crystal and/or Wills.
Skiing
Val d'Isere (also known as Val de Sloane) is a popular location for
the young Sloaney... Lord and Lady What-Nottington take to the slopes on
their incredibly expensive carbon fibre slidey-sticks while the young 'uns
go off for a heavy drinking session and meeting people they normally
only bump into in deepest Chelsea. Smashing.
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